ToTH Speaks.

9:19pm: May be job hunting soon.
The pressure is increasing at work.

Industries everywhere at having problems, and sadly, that includes health care.  But in most industries, if your boss gives you more work than you can do, and you stretch yourself too thin to be able to do a proper job on all your projects, and something goes wrong, in all likelihood, no one will suffer death or permanent harm; you are unlikely to end up as a defendant in court; and you probably do not risk having your legal right to pursue your profession revoked.

All of the above are risks for overworked nurses.  I suppose, if I had a manager I knew well and totally trusted to go to bat for me, I might be a bit more willing to accept the risk, but I am afraid I do not have that type of rapport with my current manager.

We'll see if things get better.  My hospital and health system have an ideology about nursing called Relationship Oriented Care that I totally love; I want to stay where I am, building skills and mutual loyalty over the years.  But our patient to nurse ratios have gone up twice in the last couple of months, and the current level is unsustainable.  I hope it gets better before I successfully land another job.

9:01pm: Out on the water, or, on learning to kayak.
I've been having stress-related issues lately, and a problem with my left shoulder which is modest, but annoying.   Therefore, I recently prioritized purchasing a (relatively) inexpensive Old Town Otter kayak (http://www.kayakandcanoe.com/db/images/otter-xt.jpg).

I got it yesterday.  I got my first capsizing out of the way right off, which was probably a good thing.  Given that I flipped the boat on Ford Lake, I am also pleased to note that there are no signs yet of my having picked anything up from my brief travels underwater.  Today, I managed to have a capsize-free hour's worth of paddling, and it was a Very Good ThingTM. 

For nearly a year, I've been looking at the township park that is just across the lake from me and thinking that I wanted to paddle my way from my our landing over to the point with one particular tree standing sentinel on it.  I made that happen today, and spent some time hanging out with the tree and admiring the ducks and the Canada geese. 

Then I tooled around the lakeshore a bit from our landing up towards Bridge Road.  I found a good picnic spot, which I will likely introduce Brad to in the near future.

I also pulled up to the higher docks, for the motor boats, anchored my upper body, and just enjoyed sitting there, doing nothing but enjoying the floating motion of the water underneath the hull.

On a more amusing note, a few of my neighbors were either surprised or amused to see someone hauling a 10 ft long boat up and down in the building's elevator.  It is quite feasible for me to haul her from my apartment to the landing and back, though I will admit she feels a fair bit heavier on the trip back in.

I think I may name her Independence.

 

6:01am: First night back to work.
Wasn't terrible at all.  Of course, there's 59 minutes left for chaos to descend, should it so choose.  But.

4:09pm: Feeling pretty pleased with myself.
Got today off to a good start.  Evicted the TV and various players to the bedroom, since I almost never use the thing, and virtually never for social video nights.  That opened up space in the living room in a really astounding way, which is good.  Don't know if I'm going to get another good-sized piece of furniture for the open space, or just leave it this way and acquire relatively comfy folding furniture for when I want to host things.  As it is, it is now completely reasonable for me to set up a massage table in the middle of the living room, so if I want to do sessions out of my home, I now reasonably can.

I also got the computer and the printer talking with one another, so I now have the minimal functional technology trifecta of computer, printer, internet.  It is a little startling how long it took me to make that happen, but so it goes.

Out of town guests coming in soon, and that will be good, too.

5:44pm: My pleasingly unexciting life, vacation edition.
So far, depending on how you count it, I am either two or three days into my vacation.  One nigt, I slept 14 hours.  The other, I slept 12.  I'm not accomplishing a whole lot, but except for my low back, I'm starting to feel much better about the world.  (:

Who knows, maybe one or more of the actual interesitng posts that are floating around my head will be manifest themselves before I go back to work.

4:24am: Time dilation effects.
It seems like, for most of the last year, either:

1.  I've got interesting things going on, but not enough time to write about them; or
2.  I just had interesting things to write about, but I'm just too tired, or too busy getting caught up on things like laundry and the dishes; or
3.  I'm far enough out from the interesting things to be able to write about them with any real connection.

I'm not at all sure what, if any, solution I can apply to this.

2:02am: Music can really bend the brain.
Ever since I went to the SJ Tucker concert at Great Oak about a week ago, my brain has been running with a soundtrack, particularly from her Sirens album.  For any of you with a pagan bent, BTW, you *must* get your hands on this album, probably to own, but at least for a listen.

You can probably get a chance to hear the songs, or at least clips, at her website:  www.skinnywhitechick.com.

She also gives one of the best live performances I've seen.

3:01am: No such luck on the day job.
On the positive side, the people who I interviewed with last week said that I was one of their top candidates.  On the down side, they had an applicant with developmental disabilty experience and more mental health background than I did.  The chief interviewed did strongly encourage me to keep an eye open for other postings in the future, which is nice.

I finally figured out some of what was fueling the web surfing which led to this job interview:  I'm apparently quite concerned about things at my workplace.  My new manager is a good person and is attempting to do a good job in a rough time, but if she has any skills at rah-rah (i.e, building employee morale), I've not really seen them.  She's very practical and fact-based, which I usually find a virtue.  However, apparently, at the moment, I feel a need for some cheerleading, and that's not in the middle of her skill base.

I'm very disappointed that I won't be shifting to a 40 hour a week day job with no weekends.  I'm just hoping that I can go back to being satisfied with my current workplace.  I may have to find a way to ask my boss for more rah-rah, and see if she can hear me, and has the ability to actually do it.

5:25pm: Okay, that went pretty well. (:
This morning's interview went pretty well.  I don't feel like I give my best interview ever, but I didn't give a poor one either.  They're currently planning on making a decision around the end of this week, so hopefully I'll hear something by Tuesday or Wednesday.  I could do this job, and quite probably do it well.

I would really love to be offered this posiition; 40 hours a week, moderately flexible, no weekends, working on with a team of people I would like, and with a population that I would find actively rewarding.

But if the only thing I take away from this interview is the discovery that there is a truly excellent team of people provided by the county to take care of its developmentally disabled population, well, that makes me pretty happy.  It is good to get a reminder that the money that is taken from my checks is, in truth, actually being given to organizations who truly *are* helping the people in our community I believe need our help and support.

2:10pm: Oh, right. Still Probably Almost Certainly Cancer-Free.
Since I apparently forgot to post about this last week.

The doctor once again came as close as doctors will these days to telling me I still almost certainly don't have thyroid cancer anymore.

Huz.  Zah.  (:

12:40pm: I has interviewage!
Tomorrow at 9 a.m. for a 40 hour a week day job with no weekends.  (:

Wish me luck - it appears the position would be working with developmentally disabled folks for Washtenaw County, making sure they get optimized health care.  I'll know more details tomorrow, I imagine.  (:

9:49pm: And, another Wandering Kyute Monster!
Made me grin:  Whack-a-Kitty!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_udqEp_YR4&feature=player_embedded

9:58pm: It's easier to help when there isn't a 70 minute commute involved.
I've got friends with a relative who appears to be slowly dying of congestive heart failure.  I think I could balance work and being part of the care and support team, but the commute is kicking me in the head.

*breathe in strength*

7:19pm: This Firday: fine tuning the plan.
Who:  You, me, other fun people.
What:  Food event, and some form of fun.
When: Friday, May 15, 7 p.m.
Gather point: Primo Cofffehouse, Whitaker Road, Ypsilanti, MI
              (http://www.merchantcircle.com/business/PRIMO.COFFEE.HOUSE..734-482-5889)
Why:  Get together, make a decision about food and our chosen entertainment.  Backup plan:  Rams Horn and the Wolverine movie.

7:13pm: Oh,and, Squeee!
It turns out I can donate blood again!

7:07pm: A little disconcerting.
It is very odd, watching someone take full radioactive precautions - gloves, big protective box, small locked room, the whole maguffin. They take a small, sealed canister from inside the big, sealed box, using the special little gloves. They unscrew the lid, but deliberately do not touch the pill inside themself, or allow me to touch it.

No, instead of having them tip the pill into my hand, I get to have them tip the contents of the canister *directly into my mouth*.

Weird little world today, modern medicine.

12:30am: It's amazing.
I knew when I was diagnosed with the cancer that I would have to have follow-up scans every year for a few years. I took a very calculated gamble (thyca is quite slow-growing, particularly the type I had), and put this off while I was in nursing school and getting myself professionally established. So I've had lots of time to make my peace with the whole concept, right?

Nope. I'm scared all over again, and pissed off that Teh Cancer is once again holding major sway with my emotional world. My rational mind is peering in on the maelstrom, actually kind of fascinated.

Even more interesting is that I'm running the maelstrom so far below the surface I nearly had to get out mining equipment to figure out it was there.

12:53pm: Preparing for the water.
The inflatable kayak is now back in my possession, and I indulged myself in a new kayak paddle today. It adjusts to give three different possible blade relationships. Now I've just got to dig out the pump, inflate the thing, and hold out until things warm up just a bit more.

But, by not waiting for the perfect day to lay hands on the equipment, I am much more likely to be able to exploit the earliest opportunity.

I am glad I have points in Audacity Support. :P

7:21pm: For love of water.
It's a beautiful day on the lake today. I'm shocked that no one is out on it at the moment. I suppose, the combination of early in the season and Mother's Day might explain it, but if I had a boat right to hand, I'd probably be out on it.

Need to lay hands on my kayak and pump. And I think I may have to find somewhere on the lake where I can rent a sailboat. This may be the year I finally learn to sail. Or spend a lot of time either drifing or falling into the water, failing to learn how to sail. (:

I must say, I'm looking forward to it.

5:45pm: Friday, May 15, no patry, but who wants to gather to seek fun?
I had originally thought I would host a spring gathering this Friday, but the cat illness and death has sapped not only focus but much of the necessary money.

However, I would like to go out and do something fun, this Friday, with some combination of you fine people. I say we pick a location, gather at 7 p.m., and come up with a plan. If we are incapable of formulating a group plan, I will inflict a dinner outingand the Wolverine movie on people as a backup plan.

5:42pm: So, tell me something that has made you smile this week.
Me? To list a few, the varied moods and shades of light on water; the luxurious feel of unbound hair beneath my hands; and the crisp, explosive sweetness of corn on the cob beneath my teeth. (:

4:11am: Not much of an astrologer.
But paying any attention to the patients whatsoever over the last two days, it would have been clear that the moon was going full.

*headthump*

4:24am: Okay, that's reassuring.
I finessed things over the last week so I basically got almost all of a week off of work. Even with the associated stress load lately, in one week, I was back to looking forward to going to work.

I think that's a really good sign about my long-term job happiness.

8:56pm: Low Iodine Diet time.
At long last, I am being a responsible human being at getting my follow-up scans for the thyroid. If I remember currently, I had the thyroid out in January of 2004. I was supposed to have my first follow-up scan around March of 2005. I was doing nursing school pre-requisites, instead. Then school. Then my first year in a new profession.

Still, better late than never.

For those of you who see me face to face, this is not the 10 days to surprise me with tasty, interesting foods. For the next ten days, I need to avoid foods with iodine. Mostly, the involves avoiding foods prepared with iodized salt (so I can eat very little in the ways of restaurant and commercially prepared foods), and most forms of dairy (since almost all dairy equipment is sterilized using products containing iodine).

A nuisance, but survivable.

For those of you whose families run to thyroid problems and are thus curious what might be in your or your relatives' future at some point, the dietary guidelines and a free cookbook can be found here:

http://www.thyca.org/Cookbook.pdf

8:47pm: More good than not.
Well, the good news is, the grief process is moving along pretty well. All the edges are less sharp than they were that first day or two. I did discover a useful thing to know during the future, though - for sufficiently large griefs, I apparently completely forget about eating. But my blood sugar doesn't stop needing food. So, next time, I need to designate an individual or committee do regular "how many hours since you ate last" checks.

Other than that, life is pretty good. I've gotten a five day vacation from work. I both got a chance to meet and network with some new people, and reconnect with some folks I've long known, but don't often see.

And I got to see my friend Cujo propose to his lady. Only saw about four minutes worth of Aegis programming, and my luck mojo made it those four, which I consider a brilliant win.