January 15th, 2005

T minus four and counting.

I have, for the most part, gotten over the Head Cold of Doom. I'm taking lots of C and zinc to avoid getting one or more of the H C of D's cousins. We'll see if I succeed.

Physical health is very, very good. I have cancer and am one day out from the HCoD, and I'm more physically healthy than some of my friends in their base state. This keeps getting stuck in my cognitive dissonance filters, with the tag, "and you're having major surgery because...?" (Don't worry, I know the reasons quite well.)

Morale is, so far, holding its own. Had a mid-sized meltdown last Monday, and that seems to have flushed the system, so to speak. OK, I just did a system check. It basically boils down to: I'm pretty damn unhappy, but I don't see any way around having the surgery, so I'm accepting the inevitable with a mix of grace and complaining. I do kind of wish I'd been able to spend more time with the people I feel safe being vulnerable around, because I probably could have stood a little more "crying and tantrum" time. However, I've gotten some of each, so it could be worse.

However, must take more vitamins and go to sleep.