August 11th, 2005

Wow, am I upset...

...from three or four different directions. Being alone is being particularly galling today, and if I'm not careful, I'm going to develop a massive crush on someone who isn't interested. Maybe even if I *am* careful, because I'm stupid that way.

In summary, does anyone know where I find some truly wise tribal elders, so I can ask them to use their best judgement in setting up my arranged marriage? Letting my own heart decide isn't working so well. ;->

In the silence behind my eyes,... the quiet places within my brain, do not believe that I am a good loser. I am simply a very bad loser who is very quiet about my rage.

Pardon the melodramatic phrasing; the epiphany was the side effect of a simple, if highly adrenalized, game I played with friends I dearly care for. Nonetheless, this realization resonates all the way through me. This is deeply true about me, and I've been lying to myself and most of the people around me about it for a very long time. Time to take the first step and name it for what it is.

On a more positive note, the nursing orientation at LCC went really and truly well. I think that, if offered a place in both the MSU and LCC nursing schools at the end of this school year, I am very likely going to choose the LCC program based on *quality*. (The price is just a bonus.) I'm 60% registered for this fall's classes at MSU, and hopefully will take care of the other 40% tomorrow. Nursing at WCC is probably a no-go; they've got a more than two year wait period.