December 11th, 2005

This girly girl stuff could get addictive: social notes

Went to holiday parties Friday night and Saturday night (just getting home from the Saturday night one). Good gatherings, with excellent people present. I am feeling *much* better than I was at the end of the week. Good socializing, which feeds my inner extrovert. And a lot of solitary driving, which feeds my inner introvert. Whoo.

Friday afternoon and early evening, I was in a astoundingly bad head space. I was considering not going to the holiday event for my swordfighting school. My isolating myself from social events is a very bad sign, and I know it. So I tried what I sometimes think of as "dress up therapy". Instead of skipping the party that evening, I put together an outfit which I know both good and classy on me, and went. I got many compliments on the outfit. The gathering had good attendance and a really positive energy to it. A good time was had by me, and many other people.

So I had more energy going into the gathering for this evening. I not only wore a nice outfit which I'd not worn before, but I also used a small amount of makeup (thank you, Caryn), and performed the Great Hair Mousse Experiment (a qualified success).

Very positive feedback, though one person did say I looked like a goth dominatrix. It was a black dress ensemble with silver accessories, including a silver link belt and black ankle boots. Only goth in color, not particularly in style. I'll assume it was either the belt or the boots that tipped her pattern recognition in that direction.

Trying on both outfits make it clear to me that I have not only held steady on the weight I've lost, I've probably lost more. It is probably time to get up the nerve and find a scale again.

So, the culture can be pervasive and draconian in what it views as an appropriate weight. But the positive feedback for moving towards a culturally defined acceptable weight is pretty notable.

For the moment, onward to sleep.

Once again, geekphoria!

And I breathe a sigh of relief.

This week, I'd been seeing a lot of signs that indicate that in the war of stress versus body, stress was beginning to win. Missed one class session because I couldn't make myself get up. Skipping meals for no good reason. Social withdrawal. A few other things.

I bullied myself into socialzing this weekend, which was very good for me. My hematology and urinalysis review session this afternoon left me with another round of the fierce and singing geekly joy of knowledge mastery. After the review session, I thought that chocolate sounded good, and found that I could indeed be bothered enough to go out and buy some. I think I'm back on track. Much relief.

It may have just been cumulative semester stress. However, I realized last night that Friday had been the anniversary date of when I was told I had cancer. Hopefully I will remember the anniversary next year, so I can do whatever compensation is necessary for the (stupid but real) psychic stress it may or may not cause.