This is a problem. I love massage therapy and am excited about this possibility. I've never had difficulty recognizing the cause and effect relationship between pursuing a job and having it, so that is not likely to be the source of the trouble. Therefore, if I lack the energy and focus to pursue something I know I actively want, it is time to take a hard look at the most likely reason why I would be having trouble. That's probably the thyroid levels.
Thyroid hormone controls a lot of things throughout the body, but as I understand it, one of the major things it does is determine how much fuel your body produces, and the rate at which is burns that fuel. I think my body is either not producing enough fuel, or I'm underclocking, I'm not quite sure which.
It's hard not to get self-critical over this, but that's stupid. To analogize, blaming myself for this failure would be like blaming my car for the fact that gas prices have gone up, and therefore, I can't make all the road trips I'd like. Yes, if I was running a physical equivalent of a Humvee, sure. To stretch the analogy, yeah, I have to admit I use my vehicle like a sales manager responsible for a four state area; but I have done my best over the years to have the common sense to own a well-maintained Honda of a body.
Wow, this post sounds only vaguely coherent. I'm going to post it anyway. But I'm looking forward to getting a lot of things back, and one of them is the ability to, nearly without fail, communicate in a clear and interesting fashion.